This Sucks
by Kate Barancik
Summary: The Heroes have a party. Crack!Fic. Heroes High School AU.


This Sucks

It was the middle of winter, cold and windy. The trees were bare and all the grass was dead, covered in colorless leaves. All the students looked out in the window at the desolate dreariness that was the outdoors and still would rather be there than in their Geometry class.

"Can I cheat off you?" Claire leaned forward and asked.

"What? No," Hiro answered, leaning back to meet her half way. "That is bad."

"No, see in America, cheating is a good thing," Elle chimed in from beside him. Sylar also leaned in from the chair behind her.

"Don't listen to them, they're retarded," Sylar glared at Elle.

"Well retarded people need the most help," Elle shot back, only to receive an annoyed look from Sylar.

There was some new holiday that the school board made up so that the students would stop getting restless and putting graffiti on anything with walls. It was called the Pumpkin Festival. Most people suspected that in any other places it was Halloween, but the school apparently refused to endorse witchcraft and devil-worship. Oddly enough, this is also why Harry Potter was banned.

"But what the hell does it mean?" Adam asked Peter as he shuffled their deck of cards.

"I don't know. There's going to be a bonfire and burning the other team's mascot in effigy," Peter answered, watching Adam deal everyone five cards each.

"There's also supposed to be apple cider and doughnut holes," Noah said, picking his cards up and staring at them intently.

"Pumpkin Festival for the win!" Nathan shouted, throwing an excited fist in the air. The other three just looked at him. "Shut up."

"Your first, Pete," Adam said, picking up his own cards and placing the remainder in a pile in the center of the table.

"Anybody got any sevens?"

Pumpkins greeted the students when they walked in on the day of the festival. They were wrapped around every beam and tapped on every door, in every window. The principal wore a pair that bounced back and forth on springs on top of his head. All the teachers wore black and orange, usually in the form of a giant pumpkin face on their sweaters.

"I don't want to panic anyone, but I think the teachers have been body snatched," Mohinder said when they were at the lockers.

"Dude, they were always like this," Nathan argued, grabbing his Government book. "They're for sure aliens."

"No way," Peter said, shaking his hand, "they're a secret society bent on destroying the youth of America with their power of lack of imagination."

"You guys are so stupid," Niki chimed in, brushing cat fur out of her angel wings.

"I thought we couldn't wear costumes," Matt said, looking at the white dress and silver high heels Niki wore.

"What costume?" Niki answered with a smile unbefitting of an angel.

It turned out that there was a grassroots effort among the student body to dress up in costumes. The principal was rather upset with them, wanting to send them home to change but knowing that they probably wouldn't come back. So, he decided to let it slide in the spirit of the Pumpkin Festival. This only made the students laugh at him that much harder.

"I hear he has twenty-eight dogs and they all sleep in his bed with him," Claire whispered conspiratorially to the members of the table.

"That's so ridiculous I might actually throw up," Niki answered. "Having said that, it's probably true."

"That's just messed up," D.L., dressed with horns atop his bald head and pitchfork in hand, which he used to stab passersby, stated.

"I never got the point of having a dog," Elle said like that was the only part of the conversation she had paid any attention to.

"Oh, come on, everyone wants a dogs," Nathan replied.

"Dogs are for people who don't love their children," Elle shot back calmly, taking a sip from her juice box.

The last period of school was reserved for cider and doughnuts, much to the chagrin of the teaching staff. The students, however, were all for it. And even with the wind howling outside and the distinct feel of cold, most were looking forward to the game that night since the team they were playing against sucked.

"We still don't have a chance of winning," Noah said, biting into his second doughnut. "The last time we won was against that team that couldn't remember which side of the field they were supposed to score on."

"Yeah, that was pretty funny," D.L. said, reaching around Hiro to steal his full glass of cider.

"These things are awesome!" Nathan yelled from the other side of the room, mouth full of doughnut hole. Peter promptly hid under the table when every head turned in their direction.

Needless to say, the team lost. Again. But spirits were still high, even after such a disappointment. So, most of the students showed up to what the education board had dubbed the First Annual Pumpkin Festival Night of Bonfires and Friendships. Whatever that meant.

"This sucks," Claire sighed. Adam stood next to her, drinking his eighth glass of apple cider of the day.

"Why do I not invest in those little alcohol bottles?" Adam asked himself, chugging down the remainder of his drink.

"Uf gal fer opp," Nathan tried to say around the two doughnut holes he had shoved in his mouth.

"But where would we find eels this late at night?" Peter asked. Nobody else had any idea what the hell Nathan had just said.

"I won pie eating contest," Hiro commented, joining the group around the fire. He was holding his stomach and he looked paler than usual. "Shouldn't have."

"Please don't throw up on my wings," Niki said, moving away from him slightly. He just groaned and sat in one of the plastic lawn chairs that someone had brought. Matt and Mohinder walked up to them, chatting about the science project they were doing together for the science fair.

"I brought marshmallows," Matt informed them. Mohinder handed out sticks that he had gathered.

"Weet," Nathan said with half a doughnut hole in his mouth. He grabbed one of the sticks and two marshmallows and headed closer to the blaze. Peter followed behind him, intent on keeping him from falling into the fire.

"Should he be allowed near fire?" Matt asked, arm around Mohinder's waist. Nobody really seemed to care what Nathan was up to, they just grabbed sticks and marshmallows and joined him beside the blaze.

The night went off pretty well, everyone surrounding the fire, making S'mores. Many classmates left early in the night for parties. Some of these parties were more intense than others, with drinking and even some drug use. Had the school known, they would have been vastly disappointed in the student body.

"Oh, my head," Nathan said the next morning, rubbing his throbbing forehead. He felt an arm slide off of his naked back. He looked beside him to see Niki fast asleep, snoring lightly. "Nice."

"What is?" Peter asked from his other side.

"AHHHH!!" Nathan yelled, waking the rest of the household, of which were mostly surrounding him. Everyone was naked, huddled together, arms around each other. Adam still had his hands on both Claire's and Sylar's ass.

"Uh, what happened last night?" Matt asked, stumbling out from underneath Mohinder and D.L.

"Much stripping," Hiro replied. He retrieved his glasses, which had somehow ended up in the microwave.

"Okay, new rule," Noah said, getting his glasses from their precarious position on Adam. "No more orgies."

A/N: Some people like slash, some people like het. This is the only way I could think of to make everyone happy :D


End file.
